I'm Bored ... Here's Some Jokes ....

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." The father thought this was strange, but soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or so later, the father again overheard his son's prayers, "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day, the Grandmother died. The father began to worry about the situation.

Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying, "God bless Mommy. Goodbye Daddy." This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. The next morning, without saying anything, he got up early and went to work. He stayed in his office all day. Finally, after midnight, he went home. He was still alive! He crawled into bed with his wife and apologized. "I'm sorry honey, I had a really bad day." "You had a bad day?" his wife yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on the porch this morning!"

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look.

She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, "Sir, how old do you think I am?" The man replies, "You're 30, right?" She says "No, I'm 47, but nice try."

The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, "How old do you think I am?" The man replies, You're 37, right?" The lady says "No, I'm 47, but good guess."

After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies, "Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties." So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, "You're 47!"

The lady, astonished, asks, "How did you know?"

The old man replies, "I was standing right behind you at McDonald's."

[RLA_EK]

hahahahahah. both are hilariouss. lmao.

[Rla_Eg6]

hahahahahahahahaha old man ************ was hilarious

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

A man walks into a bar and immediately realizes its a gay bar. He thinks to himself I'm not gay but I really want to to drink so he walks up to the bar. The bartender asks "What is the name of your penis?" The man says "Man get outta my face I'm not like that, just gimme a beer." The bartender replies,"I'm sorry sir but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." The man says, "Okay then what's the name of your penis?" The bartender replies "Mine is named Nike, You know Just Do it. The man thought for a moment then replied "Mine is named Secret." The bartender replied "Secret?" The man explained you know, Strong enough for a man, made for a woman."

[That Chic U Love 2 Hate]

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

[daveedd357]

rotfl!!!! Last thing is a spanking, too enjoyable.

[gtimportfanatic]

man goes to a skyscraper bar.. sees that the party is jumping.. so he starts drinking and partying.. soon the man is sooo wasted that he just runs and jumps out the window... everyone was in shock. the party stopped.... five minutes later the elevator opens and the same man comes out.. everyone was surprized but relieved.. the party kept going.. a man approaches the jumper and says " hey man we all thought u were dead.. what happened?" .. the jumper looks at him and says.. " well after a couple shots of tequila, ur body weight decreases so much that before u hit the floor.. u float like a feather" the other guy, grabs a big bottle of tequila and takes it to the face real hard.. musters up some courage and jumps out the window.. Splat!! .. everyone runs downstairs. paramedics were there and everything.. so was the original jumper.. the bartender looks at the jumper and says... Superman, You're an A$$hole!

[PhrequenC]

damn those ************s are hilarious!!

[Herminshs]

man goes to a skyscraper bar.. sees that the party is jumping.. so he starts drinking and partying.. soon the man is sooo wasted that he just runs and jumps out the window... everyone was in shock. the party stopped.... five minutes later the elevator opens and the same man comes out.. everyone was surprized but relieved.. the party kept going.. a man approaches the jumper and says " hey man we all thought u were dead.. what happened?" .. the jumper looks at him and says.. " well after a couple shots of tequila, ur body weight decreases so much that before u hit the floor.. u float like a feather" the other guy, grabs a big bottle of tequila and takes it to the face real hard.. musters up some courage and jumps out the window.. Splat!! .. everyone runs downstairs. paramedics were there and everything.. so was the original jumper.. the bartender looks at the jumper and says... Superman, You're an A$$hole!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

You Motherf*ckers are crazy!!!

[Tank The Ek]

That superman one is definitely funny.

[EF2_Sedan88]

This Is A Story About A Couple Who Had Been Happily Married For Years.

The Only Friction In Their Marriage Was The Husband's Habit Of Farting Loudly Every Morning When He Awoke. The Noise Would Wake His Wife And The Smell Would Make Her Eyes Water And Make Her Gasp For Air.

Every Morning She Would Plead With Him To Stop Ripping Them Off Because It Was Making Her Sick. He Told Her He Couldn't Stop It And That It Was Perfectly Natural. She Told Him To See A Doctor, She Was Concerned That One Day He Would Blow His
Guts Out.

The Years Went By And He Continued To Rip Them Out. Then One Thanksgiving Morning As She Was Preparing The Turkey For Dinner And He Was Upstairs Sound Asleep, She Looked At The Innards And Neck, Gizzard, Liver And All The Spare Parts
And A Malicious Thought Came To Her. She Took The Bowl And Went Upstairs Where Her Husband Was Sound Asleep And, Gently Pulling The Bed Covers Back, She Pulled Back The Elastic Waistband Of His Underpan Ts And Emptied The Bowl
Of Turkey Guts Into His Shorts.

Some Time Later She Heard Her Husband Waken With His Usual Trumpeting Which Was Followed By A Blood Curdling Scream And The Sound Of Frantic Footsteps As He Ran Into The Bathroom. The Wife Could Hardly Control Herself As She Rolled On The Floor Laughing, Tears In Her Eyes! After Years Of Torture She Reckoned She Had Got Him Back Pretty
Good...

About Twenty Minutes Later, Her Husband Came Downstairs In His Bloodstained Underpants With A Look Of Horror On His Face. She Bit Her Lip As She Asked Him What Was The Matter.

He Said, 'honey You Were Right.' 'all These Years You Have Warned Me And I Didn't Listen To You'.

What Do You Mean?' Asked His Wife.

Well, You Always Told Me That One Day I Would End
Up Farting My Guts Out, And Today It Finally Happened.'

But By The Grace Of God, Some Vaseline And Two Fingers. I Think I Got Most Of Them Back In

[PhrequenC]

LMAo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrMckie]

Three Women In A Sauna

THREE WOMEN , TWO YOUNGER, ANDONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

[gtimportfanatic]

ROFL! .. greeaaat